Rewrite the README in pirate speak

[alokedesai]

Description

Arrr! This PR rewrites the root README.md so it sounds like a pirate, while keepin' all links, badges, commands, and file names intact.

Linked Issue

• The linked issue is labeled ready-to-spec or ready-to-implement.
• Where appropriate, screenshots or a short video of the implementation are included below (especially for user-visible or UI changes).

Testing

• I have manually tested my changes locally with ./script/run

No app behavior changed. Verified by reading the rendered markdown: structure, URLs, and bootstrap/run/presubmit commands are unchanged.

Screenshots / Videos

N/A — markdown-only copy change.

Agent Mode

• Warp Agent Mode - This PR was created via Warp's AI Agent Mode

CHANGELOG-NONE

  

[cla-bot]

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